During the last few months of my teaching life, I have teetered between utter despair and total joy nearly every day. I am fully aware that I am not alone in the teaching community when I say, "This year is just one of those years" because we all eventually will have one of "those years." I guess I should feel fortunate that it has only happened to me twice in 17 years of teaching.
The first time I seriously considered whether teaching was a good fit for me was in my second year. I know I can chalk part of that experience up to "I still probably couldn't find my own butt with two hands." But, another reason I nearly left teaching during year 2 was I was smart enough to know the ways things were being done in my school just weren't working. This was paired with the dilemma of I couldn't find another soul that could help me understand that I could make it through. Thankfully, by springtime I found a ridiculously thought provoking and encouraging mentor that convinced me to push through.
This year, I am facing different challenges than year 2, but that little itch that teaching might not be a good fit for me is creeping back to front of my mind. I tend to be overly reflective, overly self-critical and overly concerned with the idea that classrooms should be a launching pad for building life-long learners. These personality traits combined with some rather perplexing challenges this year have caused me to spend a amazing amount thinking that, "I suck." Maybe I do, but I really don't think I am that bad of a teacher. With any luck another thought provoking mentor will show up, but I am not completely sure if that is what I need right now. One thing I do need is to get my "mojo" back.
This new blog is step one of the Tony Keefer Recovery Plan.
Effective today I am:
1) Returning to a commitment to write and share online.
2) Officially closing down my other blog (learn me sumthin') because among other things it has been a constant taunt of "You are not writing, slacker."
3) Finding a new voice in what I choose to post. Instead of trying to do too many things, I just want to share stories, questions and occasionally ask for some help.
4) Trying to to prove to myself that I don't suck.
Thanks for reading. Feel free to tell me that "Yes, Tony you do indeed suck." It will make me smile.
Later,
Tony
Next post topic: Value Added Bit me in the Ass.
You most definitely do NOT suck! I'm so glad you're back. I have been quite the slacker myself. Maybe it's time for me to get back to sharing and thinking in the online community as well. Thanks for the motivation!
I'm so glad you're back!
Posted by: Karen Terlecky | 11/12/2010 at 10:08 PM
Glad to see you're back-now we need to get together and talk. I am very interested in your next post I have a feeling I could write a blog with the same title.
Posted by: Mariacaplin | 11/13/2010 at 05:16 PM
Tony, Great to see you back and being so honest about your life right now. I'm glad you are going to continuing sharing and I really can't wait to read the next post. I think I can talk about the same topic, once in my life. Don't let it get you down, keep the big picture in focus.
Posted by: Mandyrobek | 11/14/2010 at 04:56 PM
Karen, Maria and Mandy,
Thanks for the encouraging words. Of course since I announced that I intended to write more regularly, I spent nearly the next 48 hours sick with a raging case of stomach flu that has been sweeping through our school. So much for grand plans.
Tony
Posted by: Tony Keefer | 11/14/2010 at 10:29 PM